The words butchered by kids just keep on coming! Last week’s post about toddlers adorably and totally mangling words had a great response. Not only do toddlers jumble up words, they accidentally throw the odd swear word around too. My fabulous readers told me brilliant stories of kid’s swearing. Like the family who were considering calling their unborn son Hunter, until the two year old informed them he liked cunter. I think Hunter had to be abandoned. Here’s the sweary version as told by your gorgeous but potty mouthed toddlers. Avert your eyes if you don’t like bad language.
These TV shows should come with a foul language alert
La La’s big arse band = La La’s Big Brass Band
Holy fuck your ears = Jolly Buccaneers
The fuckin’ troller or the fuckin’ roller = The Fat Controller
Pussy = Percy. The writers of Thomas the Tank Engine have a lot to answer for!
Bugger Me = It wasn’t me. Courtesy of Norman Price on Fireman Sam
Fuckin’ Hell = Funky owl. As sung on Giggle and Hoot
Fuck yourself = Back to yourself! This gem derives from the reversal spell in Ben and Holly, more correctly ‘Silly old Elf, back to yourself’.
Minge turtles = Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Things get dirty in the kitchen
Cock lick = chocolate
Clitoris = liquorice
Cock porn or cock corn = popcorn
Penis butter = Peanut butter
Cheese dick = cheese stick
Ice cocks = ice blocks
Weet dicks = weetbix
Boobies or boobies = blueberries
Even nature isn’t safe from swearing
Dick = Stick. The ambience at a park is ruined when your child is shouting “look at all the big dicks Mummy”!
Bitch = Fish. Not sure what the poor fish ever did to that kid!
Oh shit = ocean
Head job = hedgehog. “I saw a head job with Grandma”, says the kid. Say what?!? Well actually he saw an echidna, mistaken as a hedgehog, but called a head job. All is not as it first appears!
Crap = crab. Crabs on the beach are so much more acceptable than crap on the beach…
Cockdiles = crocodile
Sing along if you know the words
Uptown fuck you up = Uptown funk.
I’m comin’ at ya like a dark whore = Katy Perry’s Dark Horse
Baa Baa Black shit = Baa Baa Black sheep
The kids keep on cussing
Dumb dicks = drumsticks
Pile of shit = pirate ship
Cocks = socks
Cocks = clocks. Anyone been to Kmart lately? They have a lot of big cocks! One lucky Mum had a flashing cock in her bedroom after a power outage.
Fucken knife = fork and knife.
Fuck = truck
Tire fuck = fire truck
Dumb fuck = Dump truck. Geez, not sure what all these kids have against trucks!
Bloody swear house = Bunnings warehouse. I’m with the kids on this one.
Who knew that toddlers could be so innocently potty mouthed? Thanks again to all of those who shared their kids mispronounced words! These are fabulous for a giggle.
Any other sweary mispronunciations to add to the list? Do you have a favourite?