The totally useless things I say to my kids

the totally useless things I say to my kids by Life on Wallace

I feel like a fisherman’s wife some days. Always screaming like a banshee at the boys to BE CAREFUL. But lordy I am wasting my breath. They pay absolutely no attention to me. None! They keep on yelling and running/wrestling/spinning/generally being rowdy. Of all the totally useless things I say to my kids ‘Be careful’ must be top of the list. What does ‘be careful’ even mean? Clearly my boys don’t know or don’t care! They blatantly ignore me. It’s like they think they are invincible, with a total disregard for their own safety.

The only possible explanation for my insistent pleadings with the boys to ‘be careful’ is that it gives me some weird illusion that I have an ounce of control. I don’t. Once that manic play starts there really is no stopping them. Short of discreetly sneaking a a packet of chips from the cupboard. Or attempting to go to the toilet. Strangely I never think of that among the chaos of their fighting games. I’m on high alert because someone will get hurt and I really, really want them to BE CAREFUL!

Other totally useless things I say to my kids

I’m trying to come up with something remotely effective to yell at tell the boys when they are rolling around on the floor like a litter of enthusiastic puppies. It hasn’t worked! Instead I screech these things on high rotation:

  • Stop Yelling! Doesn’t work, especially when yelled at them.
  • Slow down. Resulting in faster running to escape cranky Mum.
  • Please be a little quieter. Well they are so loud I doubt they even hear me. Three little boys are capable of making an insane amount of noise.
  • Be gentle with your brother. Pffft, ‘gentle’ is clearly not part of the game.
  • Why are you so loud? Umm, because they are small boys x3!
  • Why did you do that? Come on Mum, you know that one is pointless.
  • Stop wrestling! It’s like banging my head against a brick wall.
  • Someone will get hurt. And they do, and I bite my tongue and resist saying “I told you so”.
  • Listen to me! No way, crazy eyed lady.
  • Wine, where’s the wine? Oh wait, that’s what I say to my husband!

You get the picture. It’s like I am talking to myself! That’s a few of the totally useless things I say to my kids when they are causing a ruckus. I’m sure there are more. What’s the most useless thing you tell your kids?

Linking up with Essentially Jess for #IBOT

31 thoughts on “The totally useless things I say to my kids

    1. It’s not a race gets used here too, especially in reference to eating! Oh, and life is a race, obviously Haidee!

  1. Oh yes, this is totally our house too. Stop jumping, stop running, stop yelling, I quite often end up screeching just ‘stop’. Works for about one second before they start again.

    And you’re much nicer than me, I can never resist ‘and this is why we keep our hands and feet to ourselves/don’t run/jump off the table/don’t play silly games’ etc etc. Is it effective? Not at all. Does it make me feel better? Absolutely 😝

    1. Oh yes, sometimes I try STOP loudly too. Makes no difference! Glad your version of “I told you so” gives you some comfort xx

    1. Oh yeah, calm down is really effective! When I am cross and someone tells me to calm down it always turns out really well.

  2. People look at me like I have grown a second head when I say that I don’t want another child because my son makes enough noise for a whole tribe. Then they spend some time with him lol!

  3. Have you ever noticed too that ‘Be careful; is always said after they’ve hurt themselves? Almost like we expect them to go back in time and not do whatever it is that they did! We do say funny things sometimes. 🙂

  4. Hi Claire! As mum to Miss 3 there are certainly some things I’m wasting my time saying to her – she also seems to be determined to do the exact opposite of what I’ve said!

  5. Come here NOW! and show me what you are looking at on the iPad …. followed by WHY AREN’T YOU HERE because of course they are getting whatever they were looking at off the screen and hoping the screaming fishmonger that is their mother might disappear before they actually appear.

    You are NEVER eating food or DRINKING in the toy room again (because I have yet again picked up their dishes/glasses/empty food wrappers) – you know until the next time that I just want some peace and quiet and I want the lounge room to myself!

    I am a yeller and I truly hate myself for yelling. I am the most inconsistent parent honestly today I happily let them do whatever they wanted (well that could be because I had a migraine and accidentally fell asleep for nearly 2hrs so the girls – nearly 11yr old twins could have done anything, I was in the house so therefore they are safe right?) But tomorrow I will be hopefully feeling better so they won’t get away with anything … Hmmmm there’s that saying pick your battles right? I often find that my three are so much better when there is only two home and it doesn’t matter which 2 it is the 3rd that always causes the problem …

  6. I hear you. I hate saying “stop yelling” while I say it at the top of my voice. Makes me cringe the second after I say it.

    1. Did you forget to turn your ears on! That’s classic, can’t say I have ever used that one. But If I did I imagine the response would be ‘you can’t turn your ears on, they are always on’!

  7. “Stop yelling!” While yelling, very popular here. I have tried saying it quietly but no one heard me.
    “You’re going to get hurt.” Is the other one but that’s almost always followed with child crying in pain.
    Some days I feel like anything I say to them is totally pointless.

I'd love to hear your thoughts!