I’m going to miss my babies when they’re not little babies anymore. I’m trying to soak in all the delicious baby ways but I know that I’ll forget the beautiful sounds and smells. The thought of never having another baby that is mine, all mine, almost breaks my heart. The ache to hold an infant son or daughter has already began.
The baby days. I wish I could bottle it up, but I can’t. I wish time would slow down, but it won’t. I wish I could be truly happy with each milestone they reach, but I’m not. Instead I feel a touch of sadness as they move toward toddlerhood. These baby days will never come back and I’m not ready.
I can’t possibly capture in words the things I find so addictive about babies. But I’m going to try.
Your little face
The way it lights up with joy and unconditional love when you see me. I’m your world. it’s intoxicating to be loved so unreservedly by such a perfect little person. I will miss staring at your innocent face as you sleep peacefully. What a time thief you are, but the very best time thief.
Your gummy smile
How it stretches across your whole face and makes your eyes sparkle. Oh to be so happy. And to smile and laugh so freely.
Those baby noises. The ‘da da da’. The lip smacking sounds. The beautiful, simple babbling.
Once you were so tiny and your head so very heavy. You’d try to lift your head, and it would bob and wobble against my chest. As you grew, strangers would talk to you and you’d snuggle your head on my shoulder. Safe in my arms, yet curious about the people around you.
Oh so soft. So beautifully smooth and perfect. Your precious baby skin, untouched by the sun and without a mark on it. How I’ll miss the smoothness of your skin against mine.
The weight of your tiny body as you drift off to sleep in my arms. Or as you doze on my chest. Feeling you relax and succumb to sleep. Your skinny bowed legs. The way your tiny little lips latch on to any skin that passes your mouth. The way your arms flail at an unexpected noise or touch.
The sweet, milky scent. The slow, gentle sound of your exhale.
The way your tiny fingers held so tightly to mine. Or curled gently into a fist as you slept.
The way your wispy locks tickle my nose. The soft, fine strands brushing against my lips as I kiss it. The sweet, otherworldly baby smell.
The way you gaze up at me as you feed at my breast. Content and trusting, sharing a moment where it’s just you and I. I will miss being the last thing my babies see as their eyes grow heavy and close, drifting off to sleep.
I will miss my babies
It’s foolish to will time to slow down. Babies grow, faster than I ever knew possible. But that’s what they’re supposed to do. Yet as my babies hurtle at full speed towards toddlerhood, I find myself grasping at those last moments of babyhood. These times of sleepless nights will pass, along with this time where all my babies feel for me is love. A time where I’m their world, their everything. It is such a fleeting time.
I ought be grateful, as a mother of twins, I get to experience all the firsts, for the last time, twice. Soon I’ll have two babies taking their first steps, saying their first words. There’s joy in those moments but there’s also a sense of grief I can’t shake.
Sweet babies of mine. I’ll hold you a while longer. I’ll kiss you thousands of times. Forever I’ll wish to be taken back in time. Just to have one day with you as my beautiful baby.
Linking up with Kylie for #IBOT
Tell me this sadness I feel about my babies turning one will pass? I’m a mess! Did you mourn the end of the baby days with your last child?