You don’t drink and drive, clearly. There’s a reason you’re not supposed to operate ‘heavy machinery’ while intoxicated. Well, it turns out that you shouldn’t use a sewing machine after drinking half a bottle of bubbly. I learnt this the hard way. As a public service announcement, here’s why you should not drink and sew!
1. You can’t cut straight
I was whipping up a library bag for my biggest lad’s first day at Kindy. I needed to cut two rectangles. Easy, right? Turns out it is a legitimate challenge after guzzling half a bottle of sparkling wine.
2. Threading a needle becomes impossible
It’s tricky enough threading the tiny eye of the needle on a sewing machine. When your eyes won’t focus on that tiny hole, it becomes impossible. Blurred vision is a sure sign that you should step away from the machine. Yet I carried on.
3. Sharp things!
If you dare to drink and sew, you’ll some how manage to pin yourself while trying to pin your fabric together. Worse, you just about clip yourself while cutting the threads.
4. You drop stuff
Booze makes you clumsy. This means you drop things, like pins. Then you can’t find them, because your vision is blurred and your eyes refuse to focus (see point 2). You then become paranoid about the lost pin and someone (likely a small person) treading on it.
5. You forget to turn the iron off
At some point you’ll drunkenly declare that sewing while tipsy was a bloody stupid idea and give up. Meaning that you don’t give your wonky shaped library bag its final press. This in turn means that you stumble off to bed leaving the iron on. At least you paid the extra cash for an iron that turns itself off.
The moral of this story? Do not drink and sew. Perhaps more precisely don’t drink too excess and sew. I am in fact partial to a gin and tonic while sewing, no harm in that.
Do you have a tipple while sewing, or operating other heavy machinery, like the dishwasher? How’s it turn out for you?